Copywriting’s for you, if…

  • The prospect of writing pages of search engine optimized content on any subject gives you the same feeling as starting a crossword puzzle, Jumble, or other time-killing word games that were contraband at your old jobs—which is to say, pumped.
  • You find inspiration within repetition
  • You have only good things to say about everything
  • You can find synonyms for everything (except the word “everything.” What’s a synonym for that?)
  • You can find a euphemism for anything (or invent one)
  • You love proofing other people’s work. (I do! It’s like getting to collaborate on their work, in a minor but extremely important way, because typos and grammatical errors can delegitimize any respectable project. Like that word I just made up, “delegitimize.” Only it sounds real to me, and I think spellcheck needs to check itself, because how is delegitimize illegitimate? It’s too legit to quit!)
  • You find ways to incorporate the things that are stuck in your mind into your content, like album titles of obsolete rappers who wore parachute pants.
  • You wish that anagrams comprised a larger part of your duties, because you can’t stop coming up with them.
  • You also wish that coming up with alternative meanings for acronyms was part of the job, because you could be an industry leader were this a marketable skill. For example, DDA: Daredevils Defying Authority, Dangerous Dames Anonymous, Debriefing Defendants Affably, Ducks Depreciate Annually, Debauched Delegates Association, Dynamic Digital Advertising, Draining Deluges Anew, Dynamos Don’t Ask, Dogs Don’t Answer, Dolls Dragged Around, Donald Duck’s Avowals, Defending Dried Apricots, and so on. If your business could ever use an alternate name with the same initials, call DDA. I know I can’t be the only copywriter with this hidden (no more!) skill.