If I Ran Google: Optimizing Search Engine Pranks

Google gets the lion’s share of search engine queries, and so we at DDA love it (as much as we love Yahoo, MSN, AOL Search, and any other search engine. We love all our engines equally). But personally, if I worked at Google, I would make it my business to install funnier and more complex April Fools’ Day pranks than the current “Gmail Custom Time” safe joke. I think Google users deserve more than this. I think Google has overlooked users’ willingness, and more importantly, deep yearning, to be pranked. Pranked hard, like Google means it.

Although my excellent and experienced bosses and colleagues emphasize customer satisfaction in all they do, they, like Google, underestimate the unspoken desire among all clients, customers, subscribers, etc., to be on the receiving end of something unexpected. I write high quality copy at a fast pace, like every other writer at DDA. We’re a team of client-pleasers, from logo design to programming to animation. We’re faithful, professional, impressive, and affordable. What more could DDA’s clients ask for? I’ll tell you. Better pranks.

So far today, nobody has put a tack on my chair, or told me I’m fired. Yesterday, one of my co-workers’ email address seemed to have changed, but maybe he really just has an international email account. I was so desperate for some hijinx that I considered the possibility that he had changed his email address just to prank himself (which is like tickling yourself–unless you’ve got no short term memory or can’t distinguish between “self” and “other,” self-pranking is exactly as degrading as the nuns said it would be).

I guess that’s how today is going to be–another day of writing a lot of top-shelf, search engine optimized content for our excellent clients, coordinating new advertising projects, and working on an exciting new service from DDA (the details of which I’ll reveal another day). But here’s what I won’t be doing–wiping pie off my face because the video department decided to declare an April Fools’ Day war on the writers. And the programmers will not come in with super-soakers, and the search engine optimization specialists will not say they’ve called the police, and then be like, “April Fools! We’d never call the police on you guys!” Which is fine, if you like to spend your national pranking holidays contributing to high-quality digital advertising, and not pranking the bejesus out of coworkers, clients, and strangers.